....

So, it seems mornings are fast becoming my least liked time of the day. 2 hours before having to get out of bed to about an hour after waking up. The morning bowel and bladder happenings make me so fearful there's more happening on my lower abdomen but I refuse to dwell on miscarriage fears. I refuse.

I also think period-like pains are normal in early pregnancy anyway, going by what's been reported by the majority of pregnant women. In fact, most report period-like cramps through out pregnancy. Now, this does reassure me to an extent, but ultimately, I say my prayers and leave it to fate. Whatever will be will be, I guess...

Hubby said a little prayer in bed last night, asking The Lord to protect and guide us in the next 9 months. It was cute. It was poignant. It was lovely. And I believe in having a positive outcome for us - it's been a long time coming. Good things happen to many all around the world all the time, our turn is here. We're not overtly religious but we believe in a higher being. We believe in having an honest relationship with Him/Her. I've been known to say in the past that God to me is Mother Nature. He/She manifests in different ways to me - I could be gardening and in tune with nature, I could be sitting in a chapel, I could be lying in bed, I could be appreciating a natural, refreshing, energy giving, living juice, I could be out walking and appreciating the gentle heat of the sun on my face, the caress of the wind - that Higher Being whose presence overpowers me wherever I am, doing whatever I'm doing at the time I'm at - He/She is my God/Goddess. This higher being knows me to my core. Knows the desires of my heart, knows what I don't know about myself. I leave all to Him/Her. I'll always be positive in my spirituality whatever happens, as I know there's an ultimate plan for my life that I may or may not know of at this point. That is not to say I'll just leave it be... I must be the catalyst to my blessing. Till the land, get a harvest sort of thing. Hence I'll do all I can for this blessed pregnancy. What I can't do; what I have no power over, I leave to the higher being. Anxieties will still be here, especially with my history, but I'll keep it in check and pray for the best.

Note to bean:

Love and kisses baby! Stick sweetie, everyday with you is a blessing not to be taken for granted. Keep growing. Manifest your presence, I'm so ready for pregnancy symptoms! Reassure me, let me know you are there and still going strong. Love, love, love! x x x