20w 4d

My gosh, it's been a good 6 weeks and 4 days since I last updated! Well, I've not had much to report really, though BabyJac is steadily growing and making me grow with him (yes, I said HIM!!!). The past 6 weeks have been so slow to me! Yes, we've come a long way, and this wonderful miracle of ours continues to manifest his presence and has been giving me gentle reassuring nudges (probably kicks but can't feel much as I've an anterior placenta). All has been well though, and I continue to be thankful and feel so abundantly blessed!

Symptom wise, the constant nausea has eased off, heartburn continues and back pain continues too, though I attended a physiotherapy session and learnt some tricks that have helped in easing the pain some, especially in bed. I have sciatic pain as well on the left side, but all in all, nothing I cannot deal with. Oh, and weirdly, I've had a few out of the blue vomiting sessions too, which seem to happen more on Saturdays - I guess I eat too much on Saturdays.... though I seem to not be able to eat that much anyway. I think it's the meals so close together, and it may well be the fact I'm eating 2 extra meals in the time it takes me to normally eat 2 meals on a week day (family meals, LOL!).Anyway, must pace myself and be sensible on a Saturday!

So, we had our mid pregnancy scan on the 28th and I've one word to say... AMAZING! Baby boy has such a calm disposition, he was so laid back at the scan and had his legs crossed and looked so chilled out. Had the sonographer not been an experienced/confident one, I'd still be addressing him as a 'he/she'. I'm so glad I know, and I'm so thankful and feel so blessed and fortunate to have him, my son. Can't wait till I get to meet him and touch him in September/October. I really am looking forward to holding him in my arms and kissing him... so cannot wait!

So, all is good, nothing abnormal was detected, and I know these scans can't detect all, so I still am praying and believing that all is well and will continue being well, with no nasty surprises in future, please God!

Note to my boy:

I love you so much baby, you're my beloved first born boy child and I thank you so much for choosing me to be your mama. Keep doing as you are, grow big and strong babe, and get those systems maturing well for your life out here with us. I will cherish and love you forever and may our creator and guard keep you well and protected from all harm. So be it.

Lots and lots of love, protective light and blessings,

Mama x x x x x x x x x x x

14 weeks today!

Right, time's obviously moving, although it seems so slow to me! Still, I'm thankful I'm here at 14 weeks and things are going as per plan. Must admit though, I miss seeing babyH on scan - got 6 more weeks to wait! Thankfully, my doppler's at hand for those ridiculous moments when I feel like I'm in a dream and that this isn't really happening. The little gallop of babyH's heartbeat is always so magically reassuring when I go all silly and doubtful; always brings a smile to my face and tears of happiness to my eyes.

So very tired though! Unbelievably tired, almost listless. Still, comes with the territory, I guess, so I take it a moment at a time.

Must say, I cannot wait for the promised energy spike of the second trimester. Hope it arrives soon! Nausea's still hanging about and my sense of smell is over the top, and everything smells awful - most food, shower gel, deodorant, perfumes, strange men on trains and buses.... hope this does not last the next five and a half months as it's be torture in the summer (think barbecues and all those flowery summer scents - yikes!).

Still, I'm so thankful all is well, and I've taken to tuning into BabyH's presence and we have our little conversations every now and again (all in my head, perhaps, but hey, we are one at the moment anyway, so...). He/she tells me she can't wait till September/October to get to meet me and I tell him/her the same. I love our little talks, and really cannot wait till we can have these face to face.... few months to go, we are patient!

Note to my precious:

You know I love you so very much my darling, and I'm so very proud of you! Keep growing, keep those body systems maturing and keep 'talking' to mama. The Almighty has us covered, so we have nothing to fear but walk in faith and trust that all is and will be well. Stay strong, can't wait to feel you move within! Love you with all my being and will always do!
Mama x x x x x

11w 5d

Well, it's been 2 weeks since my last entry! Week 10 was pretty much the same as the previous, only difference is the fact I bought my doppler! It arrived last Saturday, and of course I had a go at it at the first opportunity I had - nothing. Tried again on Monday - nothing. I was okay but not really, as deep down I was disappointed and worried bean may not be okay. So, I tried again Tuesday morning, after waking up feeling too well and panicking something was wrong, and there it was, 'gallop, gallop, gallop'; my baby was well! I shed tears of relief and happiness and promised myself not to use the doppler again soon.

On Thursday, at 11+2 we had our nuchal and dating scan. Dates were spot on (secretly wished I'd be bumped forward, but still happy), and BabyH is due 12th of October. Nuchal translucency measurement was great at 1.1mm (thank you God!), and I keep praying that the blood tests bring back results with low risk of genetic problems. Won't know this until after 16 weeks when more bloods are taken to complete the test. Baby was asleep at first, but seemed to wake up, wave and change positions. All else that could be seen was okay, but I keep praying all continues this way till the end.

So, one would think that after a great scan i'd leave the doppler alone, right? Well, could not resist having another go this morning. Went well, found BabyH's heart beat almost immediately but he/she then must have moved away as I called Al to come have a listen, and poor daddy's yet to hear the gallop of that precious little heart. Still, I'm sure there will be other opportunities, so no worries.

No more scans till end of May! Gosh, I'll need to start feeling movements soon, as that seems a lifetime away, but I'm sure it'll happen soon enough.... all I can say is thank God for the doppler!

ETA: Must also mention that I asked for a measurement of my cervical length, as I've been slightly worrying about cervical insufficiency/incompetence. Sonographer kindly obliged and cervix measured 4cms, which is apparently perfect, so I'm fairly happy at the moment. Not to say I won't worry about it in future; will try not to, but I'll have an eye out for it too. Pulling out all stops, I must meet this baby well and healthy no sooner that September!

Till next time.

Note to BabyH:
Baby, you're such a clever little being! I've loved seeing you regularly these past few weeks, and you've developed and grown amazingly in that time. Keep doing what you're doing, keep those organs developing perfectly, keep that little heart beating nice and strong, and hold tight - we've still got 28 weeks to go till we meet. These will be up sooner that it feels, I'm sure, as I've so much to prepare and sort out before you arrive! Lots of love, kisses and hugs little one. Mama x x x x x x x x x x x

9w 4d

Wow, what a week! I read at 8 weeks that the placenta takes over and starts regulating the pregnancy hormones and that they start stabilising so pregnant women start feeling more..... normal? Well, seems like I've got the opposite effect! This week, I've had the biggest variety of symptoms in their full, severe glory; heartburn, nausea, very nearly vomited a few times too, but didn't quite, as there was nothing to bring up. I also seem to have had the wires in my brain all crossed too, as I feel terrible, terrible hunger pains after eating, instead of feeling sated! Breasts are still reassuringly sore too, and must be a size bigger now which I just love and can deal with ;-). Plus (and this is the most exciting bit!), my uterus is gradually creeping up above my pelvic bone, so there's a teeny, tiny bump that only me and Al can see and feel - Yup,BabyH is growing!

I had another scan this week - my last one at UCH, and BabyH was absolutely perfect, with a strong, wonderful, amazing heartbeat and wiggles. Honestly, I see how Tom Cruise could have gotten so mad as to get an ultrasound machine when Katie was pregnant. I just bought the equivalent for me - a doppler, so we can hear BabyH's heartbeat when the scans start getting spread out after my dating scan on the 25th - the next one after this is a whole 4 weeks of waiting! I trust I won't get obsessive with it, but will use it for reassurance every week or fortnightly.

Note to BabyH:
Oooh, so proud of you baby!!! You're perfect in every way to me, and I already love you so very much! Keep growing sweetie, keep that little heart beating, please! You're presence makes me the happiest woman on earth now, so imagine how special this will all be in September/October when we get to meet you! Keep doing as you are, my prayer everyday is that God keep you safe and sound and growing and developing perfectly in there till you're well and ready to make an appearance, and I'm slowly beginning to believe it'll happen. Lots and lots of love from your mama. x x x x x x x x x x

8w 5d

It's been a busy week. My colleague at work left just over a week ago, and I'm covering her workload till my new colleague starts. The irony is that this past week has been the busiest since I started my new job too... Murphy's law, huh? This means I've not had as much luxury as usual dwelling on the pregnancy and BabyJac, but that's okay, as the week flew by and suddenly I'm nearly 9 weeks!

Pregnancy-wise, it's been fairly busy too. I saw my midwife on Tuesday, had an extensive booking in appointment and bloods (including toxoplasmosis), and got given my maternity notes and loads more, which made it all seem very real - I'm having a baby come September/October! I had the opportunity to ask my questions and got satisfactory answers too, which was reassuring. I can be allowed to labour if I really, really want to, but under very close supervision as I'm considered 'high risk', but must be prepared to have a C-Section at the drop of a hat too. I don't know how this works, but I'd like to labour freely without being strapped into bed with monitors all over me. I have 7 months to think this through - might just prepare for a C-section, make things straight forward, unless BabyJac decides to make a very quick appearance before medicine has a chance to interfere - that's my dream birth, readers, a quick labour followed by a very quick birth! We shall see!!!

Wednesday, I had another scan and a follow-up doctor's appointment. All went well, after a really bad dream which I'd rather forget and not relay here - just so glad and thankful that scan results were good and the complete opposite of the bad, bad dream! I measured 3 days over my dates but sticking to my dates just because these are apparently bound to change quite frequently. I saw a very lovely Clinical Nurse Specialist after my scan who was so reassuring and advised me to just take prenatals and not worry about extra folic acid as I'm have no indication for this (I asked for a prescription), and to just continue taking my aspirin as I have been, and that's what I came home and did. Extra folate for 4 weeks was okay but wasteful, I guess, so now I'm sticking to the regular recommended dose of 400mcg.

All else have been uneventful - symptoms still evident, for which I'm glad, as they really reassure me. Worst symptom I've had that I'd rather not is constipation, though I'm still managing daily, even twice daily bowel movements, unlike some unlucky ladies that are going for up to 8 days without a bowel movement (YIKES!!!). I just need to be prepared for a long loo visit and I'm okay. Been drinking fruit smoothies to help, and forcing myself to eat salads (which are tasteless and not much fun at the moment!). Can't wait to get to the second trimester, where apparently things get better and I'll feel fab....

Note to BabyJac:

Baby, I saw you again this week, you are growing at an amazing rate and for that I'm so proud of you! You gave a tiny wiggle whilst being scanned which I'm holding on to in my memory as it was so special to see! Your heart beat is so amazing to see, and I want you to keep that going and going. Keep doing as you are, and we'll be just fine. You are loved  so much and mama can't wait to see you again in 9 days time! Love, kisses and hugs aplenty! x x x x x

The Ten Commandments of Mother Earth

1. Thou shall love and honour the Earth for it blesses thy life and governs thy survival.
2. Thou shall keep each day sacred to the Earth and celebrate the turning of it's seasons.
3. Thou shall not hold thyself above other living things nor drive them to extinction.
4. Thou shall give thanks for thy food, to the creatures and plants that nourish thee.
5. Thou shall educate thy offspring, for multitudes of people are a blessing unto the Earth when we live in harmony.
6. Thou shall not kill, nor waste Earth's riches upon weapons of war.
7. Thou shall not pursue profit at the Earth's expense, but strive to restore its damaged majesty.
8. Thou shall not hide from thyself or others the consequences of thy actions upon the Earth.
9. Thou shall not steal from future generations by impoverishing or poisoning the Earth.
10. Thou shall consume material goods in moderation so all may share the Earth's bounty.

Anonymous.

Week 7!

7w 4d today! 


Been okay this week! All is well, thank God, had a scan on Wednesday at 7+1 and Poppy Heart was absolutely fine, perfect heart beating away at 141 beats per minute, and measured perfectly at 10.8mm. I'm just so happy, taking one day at a time and forever thankful things are going to plan at the moment, and I pray they keep going to plan indefinitely.

Been thinking about my gardening a lot as the weather get's better. I worry about toxoplasmosis constantly, especially with Princess Octavia, our Persian cat around, but thankfully Al has banned me from handling the kitty litter. If he's out and she goes, I get all gowned up - hankies for masks, gloves etc and deal with it as soon as possible. Praying all is well. Still, I believe growing up in Kenya and gardening must have exposed me to the protozoa before, so I should be immune. Still, I won't take chances, so I'll ask for a test when I see the midwife next week - apparently there's a blood test that can detects where one is with regard to toxoplasmosis and there's some kind of treatment if need be. Really don't want to take things for granted!

All in all though, things are good, I'm thankful and happy and every single day with Poppy Heart is special beyond words, so I'm enjoying every moment!

Note to Poppy (name likely to change at short notice!):

Everyday with you is special baby! Keep doing what you are doing, grow stronger and bigger for mummy, and keep that heart beating, you clever little miracle! Can't wait to see you again in a week and a half, but till then, I'll keep talking to you and constantly thinking about you and what clever little milestones you are achieving. Lots and lots of love from mama. x x x x x x x

I admit it, one track minded!! I need more work!

Retrospective entry  - Friday 19th February 2010 2pm-ish at work.

Breasts are now getting agonisingly sore, but I’m utterly loving it! Continuous mild nausea too whose presence I’m absolutely enjoying! Heartburn starting to make it's presence felt too - lovely! Lower abdomen happenings - learning to accept these rationally now, though they still freak me out most of the time, sending me running to God in private prayer so I'm sane at all other times around people. Not enjoying the feelings. Enjoying the fact they are there. Why would one love and enjoy the presence of pain and discomfort? After all, I’m no masochist? Well, it reassures me Poppy Heart is thriving, so I can concentrate on enjoying the miracle developing within rather than be sick with worry wondering if all is well. Now, I know the afore mentioned symptoms are no guarantee all is as it should be, but they reassure me of Poppy’s presence, especially when they are getting more and more pronounced – means Poppy Heart is growing along with her placenta and is making healthy doses of pregnancy hormones. This is what I love! Puts a healthy bounce in my step! (.... well, apart from when my hurried, bouncy steps are towards the toilet, chanting in prayer that all is well when I knicker check. It's madness, but we all have our mad moments, right??).

Little note to Poppy Heart, formerly known as Bean:

Keep it going baby! You’re doing so well and I’m so happy to roll off the bed in the morning and having to take it easy because you’re sending me signals that tell me you are okay. Keep that heart beating strong and keep growing sweetie! I don’t know about you, but I really want the time to fly so I can get to meet you in September/October. Lots and lots of mama love. x x x x x x

Great news! Heartbeat!

Okay, so I attended the antenatal RMC clinic yesterday as planned. Wasn't expecting a scan then, so when I was told to report to the ultrasound scan reception, have my scan and come back to see the doctor, I was like, 'okay... I guess another scan won't hurt', plus at 6w 1d, I've heard people report to having seen a heartbeat. So, I waited for what seemed like forever and finally it was my turn. Immediately, bean was located and seconds later there was a little poppy sized heart pulsating away! I was shown this on a very grainy screen but it was unmistakeable. Blink, blink, blink... I was so, so happy at that point, I wanted the moment to last forever! Anyway, after all was done, I went off, joined the queue again for one of the only 2 doctors in clinic.

Must say the doctor's visit was a bit of a disappointment after my scan high. Nothing new was  discussed. The only good thing was the reassurance that I was on the right dose of aspirin and should continue on that as it's absolutely the right treatment for me. I had a blood test but it was nothing useful to me - just a sample for a research study on the link between recurrent miscarriage and thrombosis and the association with antiphospholipid studies. No hormone profile, no coagulation screen. We've agreed to this study anyway, so next time I'll take Al along and get him to give some of his blood too. Baby will be giving a bit of their cord as well when they get here in 30 weeks or so - I refuse to think that there will be tissue available from another miscarriage as I really, really am praying this does not happen again. Hopefully participation in this study helps with the development of RMC treatment in future.

Right, so, what now? Scan next week or not? I'm thinking of cancelling next week's UCH scan as I get another at St. Mary's the week after as I'm booked in for an extensive specialist midwife appointment and the blood tests useful to me. I really feel a reassurance scan next week can be missed.... I don't need weekly scans.... or do I? I've had one every week since week 4 and it's been going really well, I think another 2 weeks will give me more to see. Oh, I don't know, I guess I'll see how it goes... I would love to see my poppy's heartbeat again!

Symptoms this week: Boobs are killing me and I love it! Some mild waves of nausea - loving it! Lower abdomen and lower back happenings - me no like :-(. Too similar to period pain for my liking - I go into prayer mode when I get these as they scare me to death, and make me not want to go to the toilet for fear of the red stuff. This in turn makes it worse as a full bladder tends to be painful. Having said that, each week gets easier and this week is better than last, so I'll keep positive and enjoy this thoroughly.

Note to Poppy, formerly referred to as Bean:
You are doing so well baby, measured absolutely perfect for dates and honey, your little heart beating away yesterday was the most amazing thing I've seen in a while! Keep doing what you're doing, grow even stronger and bigger for me. I can't wait till I can see you again - could be next week, could be week after, but either way, having you growing within me is such a special feeling and I cherish every single moment. Lots of love and kisses, Mama x x x x x.

Ups and Downs

What a week! Been up and down - elated one minute, overly worried the next to the point of tears! I've barely had any symptoms, apart from mildly tender breasts and the lower abdomen happenings (which worry me at the best of times anyway). This is the furthest I've come with a pregnancy, and still taking it one day at a time, but the worry times are so intense they leave me so exhausted mentally! 

I have to remind myself that I've had RMC tests which found the possible reasons I miscarried my last pregnancies and that I'm on aspirin to help me along this time, but the worry kicks in and all reasoning goes out the window. I also reassure myself of the fact that most pregnant ladies probably feel this way too (is this true?).

Still, I intend to enjoy this experience for as long as it lasts... I know the worries are a part of it all, but when those mad periods lift up, I do enjoy myself. It's all too special not to!

So glad I have a wonderful husband that understands the next 8 months will be tough on him too, poor man!

Great news though - had two loo trips overnight and woke up lying on breasts that were very tender. Loving this! More tender breasts please, less lower back pain (too much like period pain, me no like!). And not sure but I may have a little bit of nausea? That tiny little bit, not sure I've not made it up? Still eating like a trooper though. Also, I found myself retching while preparing the cat's food (boiled gizzards). Jeez, how do people eat those things?

I also had my referral letter come through yesterday for the RMC antenatal clinic run by Prof Regan's team. Only problem is, they've printed a later date (March 2nd), though I got given Feb 17th verbally. Will have to call them to confirm dates. Whatever happens, I feel fabulous most times, and I'm keeping the positive mental attitude that this is for the long haul. Too bad I can't see the future, though I can dream of the best, huh?

Anyway, very thankful, I'm on new territory, now counting down to the next scan date on Feb 24th where I'll see Bean's heartbeat. I really cannot wait!

Note to Bean:

Keep doing what you're doing baby! Get those hormones circulating; mummy doesn't mind even more tender breasts! I know I worry sometimes honey, but I believe in you. I just want you to be well at all times, and know you will be. Human nature just makes us so prone to emotions... I'm mostly over the moon with your existence though, so well done for bringing me this far. I look forward to seeing your little body again and seeing your tiny heart beat. Love you so very much! Stay cosy, keep growing! Mama x x x